HD Darkensaw (hdluff4eva) wrote,
HD Darkensaw

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I was so relieved when I woke up...

I had a dream last night. Not a nightmare... just a really sad and horrible dream.

I dreamed of <i>her</i>.

She had come to my school. One of my girls that used to be friends with her too and ended up taking <i>her</i> side even. That bitch had hurt us both in emotional ways neither of us wanted to feel again, and there she was, making me feel them. She swore she was different, that she wanted to make it better. I knew better. 

Now, during our real life falling-out, I never shouted, I never hit and I definitely never cried. But she cornered me. Wouldn't let me leave. I pushed her hard against the knobs (that were there for some reason... We were in Sears, but so were our dorms?? I dunno) and yelled at her. "You caused me so much stress and pain. Losing you was horrible but I'm not putting myself through this again. I never wanted to see you again and that continues now! I hate you, go away leave me alone!"

And I pushed her away and ran. I passed my friend and told her I couldn't bear to lose her as well, and then ran some more. Through the Sears, but ran anyway. Sobbing. The kind where you can feel your eyes are about to pop out and your chest goes tight and it's suffocating. The counsiller was going to make me sit down with her, and the dream ended.

I lay in my bed with tears crawling down my face. i didn't know people could actually do that, I thought it was effect for movies and books and stuff, waking up crying.

I talked with the boy about it. I figure those feelings were always there, they've just been less so than the feelings of anger and hate that were so prominent. I never cried for our lost friendship, or for the pain, I was simply angry about it. I don't know if I'd act like that if she confronted me, but I think I'd at least yell and cry. I don't think I'd stoop to push.
Tags: angsty hd is angsty., mah hiro, ramblings ftw

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